Beware this is pure honesty and random thoughts so be prepared...
Exhausted! That one word describes me these days....actually that is a lie there are several other words that should go along with it like Emotional, Sick, Sad, Worried, Anxious...
I keep thinking that this is when I am suppose to be glowing, happy, and excited but those are not the words that really fit me right now. Don't get me wrong I am excited to be pregnant and for Grant and I to have a baby. It is a dream come true and I wouldn't trade it for the world. A matter a fact just saying what I have said so far makes me feel guilty. All around me there has been difficulty with pregnancy. People I love that can't get pregnant, have had miscarriages, and those that have lost their babies shortly after birth so how could I be complaining? I honestly don't understand it myself. My emotions are all over the board right now. I work from home so I am faced with my emotions and fears all day by myself in my empty house. When I want to express them I often cry which my husband doesn't deal with well so that makes this all even harder. Even if he could deal with my crying he wouldn't understand, for heaven sakes I don't even understand what is wrong with me. I worry everyday about the little baby growing inside me.
Is it still there? Was it ever there? Is it alive? Is it growing? Is it healthy? Am I eating the right things? Am I doing the right things for it?
People tell me this is normal and that after I hear the heartbeat I will feel much better, which makes me feel a little bit better. But still I think I have to do something about this! I have decided that I will not just work all day along with my emotions in my empty house. I have now promised myself that I will get out for at least 30 mins a day. It can be a walk, a drive, lunch with a friend, anything that gets me out of my house and out in the open air. I have also decided that I will have a conversation (not regarding work) with a real person everyday. This means that some of you will be getting calls from me so be prepared.
It is time that I fix this and rather then being scared and sad about my emotions face them head on. I know my emotions are going to be crazy at this time but I can fight back with taking care of myself and my needs. I am excited about my new goals and look forward to getting back to being me and changing the words that describe me to happy, glowing, and excited!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Exhausted
Posted by Amy Piller at 1:53 PM
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13 comments:
call me, call me! I love phone calls. and yes, you can't explain emotions, where they come from or why they are here! Hang in there! Love ya
I totally know how you are feeling! I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Hunter! I would lay in bed sick and wish to die because I was sooooo sick! Then I felt guilty for feeling that way, and it was soooo hard!!!
I did notice that when i was out w/ friends I didn't notice being sick as much, so call me and we can chat or go to lunch!!! Loves sent your way!!!
Ah Amos. It makes me sad that you are struggling. I do love you dearly and would gladly welcome a phone call from you anytime. Hope you feel better and good luck at the appointment today. I have been thinking lots about you and praying for a healthy and happy pregnancy. Lots 'o love from AZ!!!
holy heck amy! you should NOT feel guilty for complaining. no matter how much you wanted a baby, no matter how many women struggle to get pregnant, it does not change the fact that growing a human being is a lot of work and often not a lot of fun.
is it worth it? sure. enough so that we crazy girls do it over and over again knowing it's going to be a long ten months.
the changes that are happening with your body are serious! hormones all over the place trying to keep up with that growing baby. you have every right to complain about feeling like crap and no one will get tired of hearing it because WE KNOW! our sympathy is sincere.
oh my, i remember being SOOOO tired. take naps. go for walks, make those phone calls! often.
Amen to everything everyone said! Don't feel guilty, it helps to talk about it even if you don't understand. It does pass, you will look back in a couple months and wonder if you were really sick at all, and the happy, glowing and excited feelings don't usually come until after the morning sickness passes and you are in your 2nd trimester, then the 3rd trimester hits kind of like the
1st one...... Take it one day at a time and Good luck!!!
(I just reread my post and didn't like how I left it)
they are so totally worth all the emotions and tears and pain too, I would have babies again and again because they are so worth it (but I am done) try to stay positive!
Amy I'm so excited for you! I haven't been on the blog FOREVER and didn't get the update til now. I'm jumping with excitement! When is your first appointment. Seriously I always feel much better after that! Are you sick? I seriously am doing a little dance right now all by myself!!!! LOVE YOU!!!! Pick me, pick me to be one of those fun phone calls!!!!!
Well I hope our chat helped, and I do want to get together all the time so U will be hearing from me!
I can't wait to get a phone call:) I have to admit I was a worrier too, and didn't enjoy my pregancy the way I wished I would. I think things will get so much better, especially since you have some great goals. Just remember it is all really normal. I love you to death, and can't wait to chat!
Whatever...ya big boob!!! You are totally supposed to feeling insane right now!!! You didn't think you'd get to be any different than the rest of us did you? It's just pregnancy...but you WILL feel better...when it's OVER!!!!!!
I don't really think you're a boob! I cried for the ENTIRE 9 months all 3 times. Sat in the bathtub for atleast 4 months with my last. Had postpartum but should have called it prepartum too. Felt guilty that I didn't like my boys as newborns and just wanted them to get bigger faster! Hated breastfeeding with the first...you get the picturre!
THANKFULLY Heavenly Father knows my heart and decided to let me have more than one baby despite my insecurities and sleep deprived craziness!!!
Hang in there girl! Don't feel bad...feel normal!!!
Unfortunately the worrying doesn't go away after you have the baby! I worry a lot and was a mess when I was pregnant with Mason. Just keep in mind that stress isn't good for the baby either so just try to relax and have faith that everything will work out. You're totally NORMAL! :)
i have no idea what you are going through right now because i have yet to experience it....BUT i just love you Amy! you are absolutely gorgeous! you are intelligent and seriously funny!!!!
feel free to call me. i can't give advice, but i'm always available to listen!!!
love ya!
Call me anytime. And you are not crazy...your hormones are! LOL. As Pearce would say, " you can do it, you can do it." Love you much.
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